Let’s talk setting. I mentioned in my notes yesterday about setting taking on a voice. It’s important for your book to have a setting that is alive, and contribures to the mood of the scene and book. But what if your setting, like Marshall University, doesn’t have a voice? What if it doesn’t need to function like a character, changing and growing. It still needs personality.
In this scene from Reclaiming Nick, the Montana setting places a significant role in the story as a healer. Every character is, in some way, affected by the landscape. Maggy, one of the main characters, loves her life as a rancher. I wanted the land to act almost as an antagonist in the story, working against her. And to deepen its impact, I had to give it a personality and a strong connection to Maggy.
Here’s how I started:
There were times when Maggy St. John felt like the land might consume her whole. It poured over her senses—all of them. The sharp smell of sagebrush, the squeak of prairie dogs in the warm afternoon sun, and the wind, tasting of spring and new life, throwing tumbleweeds from one horizon to the next. She loved this land. And she hoped it loved her back. (I wanted to show how the land had seeped into Maggy, almost become a part of her. However, I used sound, and smell and taste, but I needed sight and touch to really cement the feel of it inside the reader.)
She tugged her beaten hat over her auburn braids, tightened the string under her chin, and gauged the clouds for rain. Cumulus had been gathering over the Silver Buckle all day, but they refused to unload their burden, greedy for the western mountains. Please, Lord, let it be a fertile summer. Growing up on the range, Maggy had seen many a drought but none like the last five years. The ground seemed dead, and the sight of trucks kicking up dust this early in the season set her jaw tight. ( Besides using kicking up dust way too much in the ms, I needed to find a way to show the betrayal of the land in Maggy’s eyes. Perhaps find stronger words, without actually saying that the land had betrayed her)
There were times when Maggy St. John felt like the land might consume her whole. It poured over her senses—all of them. The sharp smell of sagebrush, the squeak of prairie dogs in the warm afternoon sun, and the wind, tasting of spring and new life, throwing tumbleweeds from one horizon to the next. The sight of the sun rising over the east, gold like syrup running over the bluffs and draws, and in the afternoon, kissing her face with warmth. She loved this land. And she hoped it loved her back. (Note how I used the metaphor of syrup, something sweet to the taste, and the sun kissing her face to deeper evoke those warm feelings Maggy has for the land).
She tugged her beaten hat over her auburn braids, tightened the string under her chin, and gauged the clouds for rain. Cumulus had been gathering in the east, over Silver Buckle land all day, but they refused to unload their burden on any of their lands, greedy for the western mountains. Please, Lord, let it be a fertile summer. Growing up on the range, Maggy had seen many a drought but none like the last five years. The ground seemed dead, and the billows of dust in the wake of passing vehicles this early in the season set her jaw tight. (Use your words to put as much punch and subtle meaning into your scene as possible. I like the use of the work wake here – it’s not only a word that means “behind” but has a double entendre in the sense of a “funeral” — the death of the land)
Yes, these are subtle changes – a deepening of the senses, a changed word, but for the reader, there is a heightened sense of Maggy’s love for the land, and how it may betray her. Description shouldn’t be long and drawn out, but it should contain the specific nouns and verbs to convey the mood and connection to the setting that will deepen its impact on the story. Go through your manuscript and find two or three words you could change to add mood to your scene and see if it doesn’t make it stronger!
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