Okay – it’s been such a long time since we had the last scene, there are a lot of varying opinions in this followup scene. Rachel and I do dialogue very differently…so, you’ll see my rebuttals (and I kept most of the original because it flowed with the previous scene better). But it is good to remember that clarity, flow and characterization are the key elements in delivering dialogue. One thing i really appreciate however is another eye — her comments really make me thing about craft, and whether I agree, or not. Unfortunately, the text may be hard to read, to check back tomorrow for the cleaned up version! RH COMMENTS IN CAPS OR BOLD Chapter 3.2….RH comments with SMW rebuttal Luke didn’t know who to strangle first […]
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Chapter 2.2, Luke’s POV, RH suggestions with SMW comments!
RH comments highlighted in grey SMW comments highlighted in yellow Changes highlighted in blue Ch 2.2 – Luke’s pov Fate knew how to make a man suffer. It wasn’t enough that Luke had sacrificed his pride nearly sprinting out of the nursing home. Or that he’d managed to get his mug in the paper, again, after rescuing his rascal-of-a-nephew from traffic. But now, fate RH: who is it? Who wants him to replay his past? A bit more detail? wanted him to replay his past, everything he’d spent the past five years hiding from. Couldn’t the world just leave him alone? (Apparently not.) RH: Suggest deleting this. The previous sentence sets it up for the reader well. Luke stood at the window, cupping his (DELETE: microwaved,) […]
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