You guys are great writers – there’s not doubt about it! I got this piece from Barbara and wanted to walk through it to point out its strengths. Great job! I want to read this book! Set up: Mountain guide Jackson Barrett plans to start his own mountain climbing business someday when he can get the money. He has just received news from a private investigator that his grandmother–whom he didn’t even know he had–has died and he has inherited her farm–on the condition that he live there six months first. Jackson stared after him. This man just shook his whole world—then walked away? He had a whole slew of questions all right, beginning with How did you find me? (Susie: Love the internal monologue here – great set up). […]
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Dialogue Dilemma #3
Warning – this is a long post, but I wanted to walk you through all the phases. It’s a YA novel by Wendy – she didn’t tell me what her dilemma was, and it was a solid piece to start with – but I found a few things to highlight. Let’s start with the original: Paige joined me as I was walking back toward my drum. “Good morning, starshine–” she said as she bumped one of her hips into mine. “What were you doing over there?” She said it like she would have said, “What were you doing over in that place that is quarantined for deadly diseases such as small pox or the bubonic plague?” I flashed her a pained smile that I hoped said, “It was no big […]
Read the RestDialogue Dilemma #2
Thanks to Melanie who sent this scene for us to learn from! Let’s look at the original: Heather leaned against the doorframe, attempting to placate her conscience and quiet her pulse. Every moment it took Dean to notice her intensified her embarrassment. She wished she hadn’t come, but there was no way she was turning back now. The short, deserted walk to the offices had felt like a mile long gauntlet. Dean was staring at his computer screen, his finger jabbing the mouse occasionally. Finally, she could stand it no longer. “Welcome home,” she said, relieved that her voice didn’t crack. When he looked up at her, she completely forgot her anxiety. His handsome blue eyes crinkled with joy at the sight of her. They were eyes that had spent […]
Read the RestDialogue Dilemma 1
We had so many great dialogue submissions – and because they were a little long, I’ve decided to spend the next few days going over three of them. Here’s the first one, from our Linda M. Let’s look at the orignal: (author: This is from Anna’s pov: She and her husband Jack are visiting her best friends preemie baby.) “Ellie!” She sits in a wheelchair while Nick helps her put the gown on. “Anna! You’re here?!” “Hey, man,” Nick and Jack give that old guy friend hand-shake-pat-on-the-shoulder thing. “That?” Nick steps back and takes a long look at Jack’s face. “Congratulations! I was just in seeing junior.” Jack pats Nick on the back, clearly evading the face/nose issue. “We’re going to see him now, right?” Ellie pats Nick’s hand. “It […]
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